thankful

i'm not usually a fan of josh groban but i am so in love with this song today.
on this thanksgiving day, here are some things i am quite thankful for:
> life, breath, good health
> family...both immediate and extended
> husband's job
> health insurance, with no hidden fees
> friends
> the chance to visit with my mother in law and some of her siblings this week...we haven't seen the aunts and uncle in over five years
> the opportunity to interview my mother in law with my husband present...he had never heard her be open and he would never have guessed some of her responses
> the check my mother in law gave us as she left
> the turkey my husband's employer gave to all their employees
> music to dance to, cry to, laugh to and sing to
> my sweet, generous mother
> a running vehicle, or two
> the financial aid approval after submitting my appeal, not sure what it means but it might mean the opportunity to register for spring classes
> the possibility of a job in a new field by summer
> dreams, big and small
> my homemade, from-the-garden, pumpkin pies...homemade crust to boot
> a home to live in
> the internet...i know, such a strange thing to be thankful for but i find so many useful things on there like recipes to try
> thanksgiving break
> my word for 2010, pursue
> my safe neighborhood
> the library that allows me to check out 30+ books each week...they also allow me order books online so all i have to do is pick them up when ready
> freedom
> the zoo being open today
> family...i know i said this already but i so appreciative of family this week
> my husband and my children, they make my world a much better place
there is so much more i am thankful for but this post has to end sometime. i hope your day was lovely.

#84 sip a martini...check!

i did it! i have officially sipped my first martini, or two. i started with a lemon drop and moved on to an appletini.

100 things

some call it a bucket list, others 100 things to do before i go. whatever it is, here is mine (and, by the way, i am appropriately listening to dreams by neil diamond as i write this):

1. learn to play the guitar
2. play my favorite songs and sing along without fear or shame
3. speak another language, preferably spanish since it's in my blood
4. own a house with a huge porch where my family and i can gather for hours on end to read, play games, sing, talk and just be
5. own a house with a large kitchen and attached dining area that we name "el corazon" because it will literally be the heart of the house
6. host weekly sunday dinners for family and friends (and anyone else who wants to join us)
7. renew my wedding vows to e with elvis officiating
8. work in education
9. care for my mom as she gets older
10. travel through europe
11. become an athlete
12. mentor a school-age child
13. start a reading club for kids who don't get read to at home
14. learn how to knit like a pro
15. start a jump rope club and double-dutch every day
16. take up rollerskating
17. run, walk or rollerskate a half marathon and/or marathon
18. run a 5k
19. smooch my honey in the tunnel of love on a gondola ride in venice (italy)
20. regularly volunteer in a soup kitchen
21. find the perfect spot to spread the ashes of my sons, c & a...sweet babies who died much too soon
22. practice yoga and meditation daily
23. take a photography class
24. learn how to swim
25. donate my hair to locks of love
26. earn a master's degree
27. learn how to sew my own clothes (no more floods for this tall lady)
28. grow a bountiful, year-round, garden
29. finish a crossword puzzle on my own (no nyt's for me...any crossword will do)
30. live on a farm
31. reduce my water usage by at least fifty percent
32. get electrolysis
33. change my diet to follow mypyramid
34. watch gone with the wind
35. take annual family vacations
36. spend six months at yosemite and hike all the trails
37. go skinny dipping
38. buy one luxury item
39. gift luxury item to random person on street
40. assist with a homebirth
41. find my family in mexico
42. give away large sums of money
43. send my children to college and watch them graduate
44. help build a house for a family in need
45. take a becky bloomwood tour of london
46. learn a new word every day for a year and use it correctly in a sentence at least once
47. accept, without hesitation, a friend's request to be a surrogate (this stems from my true love of pregnancy and the joy of giving birth, along with my own battles with mother nature . i won't give my eggs but i will gladly carry a baby. knowing i have had a thirty-three percent success rate, i doubt this will ever happen which is why i will add another dream to my list)
48. visit all the national parks
49. finish my kid's scrapbooks
50. wear a wedding ring again
51. bicycle through napa...indeed, a wine tour
52. sport a pixie cut
53. become a vegetarian
54. stay in one of those water huts in bora bora

55. buy a custom made bra
56. interview my mother and mother-in-law
57. host a coming out party for a friend
58. play the harmonica
59. jam with the Cherry's
60. visit all the historical sites in washington, dc
61. become a morning person
62. meet my first (and favorite) pen pal, ellery (remember bop magazine? that's how we met.)
63. participate in a three day cancer walk
64. knit hats and blankets for premature babies
65. have a homemade christmas
66. go back to central park with my husband
67. snorkel
68. take my favorite girlfriends on a retreat at sea ranch lodge
69. go caroling with the southwells
70. speak up when i see or hear someone being bullied
71. take my husband to his first concert, preferably neil diamond
72. ride a roller coaster at cedar point amusement park
73. read the harry potter books
74. own custom-made cowboy boots in red and pink
75. have a chocolate croissant at a cafe in paris
76. get a passport
77. grow enough pumpkins each year to host a pumpkin carving party for all our friends
78. take my son to hearst castle
79. see the pyramids in egypt
80. go to dollywood
81. pay back everyone who has ever given me money
82. start a family tradition of gifting a family the twelve days of christmas
83. send christmas cards again
84. sip a martini 11/21/10
85. join pflag
86. watch the ball drop in time square
87. learn the salsa
88. earn a blackbelt
89. attend an opera
90. wear sexy lingerie, and like it
91. influence the local school district to stop wasting food
92. visit my state capital
93. plant a tree
94. attend the los angeles book festival
95. leave my mark by finding the cause of the adhd epidemic in order to get kids off unnecessary medication
96. listen to more music at home
97. make someone smile or laugh every day
98. shower outdoors
99. dress fancy at least once
100. live near my gals in portland
101. dine at cafe gratitude
102. order a vodka martini, straight up, a little dirty

phew! this was much harder than it seemed. i have added much more to the list since i wrote it which is good since we should never stop dreaming. can't wait to read yours.

listening

my lovely friend at may the beauty participates in the national day of listening every year and it has always captivated me. i mean, i'm a recruiter by trade (or, was) and i love listening to people tell their story. what really got me interested was the tag line: celebrate by recording and preserving interviews with the people you care about. i'm an interviewer, i can interview any joe on the street but interview someone i know and love? forget about it. i was raised in a family of strangers. top that with being an introvert and you have one girl who rarely spoke at family functions. seriously. i lived with my mom my whole life (minus one year) yet i didn't really get to know her until after i got married. heck, i still don't even really know her and i think that's why i was captivated by this whole thing. i am on a mission, a mission to know my mom. i don't jump in heart first, though, so i started by interviewing three wise women i know. all three women were in my book club, they are roughly twenty to thirty-five years my senior, one i have known my whole life, two i have only just met in the last five years, and all are women i would seek out for advice. they all come from different walks of life yet their responses were very similar. i am lucky to have so many great role models in my life.

what was the happiest moment of your life and why?

The first thought that came to mind was the birth of my son Brian.  He was an absolutely amazing gift to us and he came from me.  The next one would be the birth of my granddaughters.  I look at them and know that I live on through them.

 

 When my son Conner was born. I had a miscarriage before him.

 

Probably like most mothers, when I gave birth, because (at 30 for the first daughter) I had ALWAYS wanted to be a mom and impart good ideals to another human. Plus I was curious what he/she would be like! After that, I realized how much my mother loved us kids!

 

what are the most important lessons you have learned in life? 

To live my life one day at a time and not sweat the small stuff.  I count my blessings daily and try to live my life as a vessel of the Lord.  Heady stuff, but I know too that I'm not perfect and I forgive myself for failing, as well as not taking what others say or do to me as personal.  It's just what they feel at the time or a condition of their upbringing.

 

Hold out for what you want. Do not compromise your values, beliefs, desires.  

 

That nobody is guaranteed anything - not the next moment, or the next day, or happiness. Not a job, a car, the best of anything. 

Also, I have learned - and want my kids to know - that everyone needs to be accountable. To yourself, to your family, to coworkers, your friends, even to complete strangers if you need to be. 

Honesty is the absolute best quality. Nobody can continue to talk bad about you or beat you up if you can simply learn to say "I am sorry" or "I guess I screwed up" or "I misunderstood". 

Hold up your end of the "bargain". Do your best. Try hard, and then think of another way it can be done, and try again.

You can't please some people, no matter how hard you try. Accept that, and deal with it.

 

how would you like to be remembered?

I did the best I could with what I failed at and that I learned from my mistakes to be the best me for the love of my God and family.  In in a way, like the book we read about  the carnival worker, that because of me I brought something positive to others.

 

Someone who listened to and truly cared for others.

 

That's a tough one. I want to be remembered as being loving, for sure.

I want to be remembered as happy, and brave, and slightly daring.

As a good mother, a good person, maybe even a role model in some ways. 

As a good listener, a good friend, and reliable. And human, not perfect, but truthful about my faults. 

And compassionate. Do not forget compassionate. And kind to all.

Those are all pretty lofty ambitions, though. It doesn't hurt to try!

 

the next day of listening is just around the corner. while you have your family and friends gathered, i encourage you to spend a moment or two with them to get their stories. document, carry on their legacy, or just listen. your life will be changed forever, i guarantee it.  here is a list of great questions just to get you started.

i heart homemade

i have officially sworn off cake mixes sold in grocery and specialty stores. they just don't even compare to the taste of real ingredients. try this recipe and you'll agree.


before you pour the batter into the pan, dip a spoon in the bowl for a quick lick. mmm...mmm...good. and for those of you rolling your eyes because who really has time to make a cake "from scratch," i swear to you it won't take you much longer than it takes to dump ole betty or duncan into a bowl. seriously.

i didn't use the buttercream recipe that goes with the cake...too complicated. instead, i scoured the internet (i do that often) to find this recipe for chocolate frosting from our best bites. oh.my.goodness. so good for being so easy.

now, here are two tips i think you should know about (that i discovered on my own, thankyouverymuch).
1. if the recipe calls for ingredients to be at room temp, they must be at room temp before mixing. don't question me, just do it. and, it is really important that the room temp be set at, oh, maybe 75 degrees. you want the butter to be really soft, warm soft not cold soft. i made the most delightful batch of cupcakes on a warm thursday and i made a not-so-delightful batch on a rainy saturday. the difference was vast. the thursday cakes were moist, light and fluffy while the saturday cakes were moist but very dense, heavy. same with the frosting. and microwaving the butter just doesn't cut it.
2. use an ice cream or cookie dough scoop to transfer batter from mixing bowl to cupcake cups. you will have completely uniform cupcakes. it's amazing, really. i used to have some cupcakes that were very tall and some that were very short which always made it a pain to decorate. not anymore. i only have a mini or small scoop which worked out fine. you might have to experiment with different sized scoops to find the perfect one. this is definitely a secret well kept. i was so happy to have discovered it all on my own!!!

i also discovered martha stewart does have some easy tricks up her sleeve. that woman typically drives me nuts but i swear she really is a genius (with a really great staff). i found the recipe for white chocolate ghosts here. super easy and super fun to make. kids and adults went ga-ga for these little guys.

feliz cumpleaños

"happy one year to me" sounds much better than "happy thirty-sixth," right?  my happy space in the blogosphere turns one today. me, on the other hand, am old. according to some of my favorite kids at school, i am older than most of their moms...heck, i'm probably closer to grandma's age. yes, they actually said those words to me one day. actually, they shrieked when i bent down to pick something up and they saw all my gray hair. apparently, i gave them a fright. i didn't know whether to cry or to laugh (because they really thought i was just a teenager). instead, i made a mental note to reconsider my decision not to dye my hair anymore.

anyway...

thirty-six kinda sucks, i ain't gonna lie. BUT, here are the things that made me really happy today:
1. waking up to my lovely family wishing me a happy birthday. even the two-and-a-half year old who doesn't generally say much said, "ha pee bewfday, mama."
2. making the kiddos my favorite breakfast treat: chocolate-filled crepes
3. coffee with a great friend
4. bumping into an old friend
5. new music: neil diamond's home...seriously makes me feel at home and it totally gave me goosebumps
6. family and sweet friends
7. seeing my very pregnant cousin at her baby shower...never thought she'd have a baby
8. baby bump...oh, how i love baby bellies and pregnant women...one of the most beautiful things on earth
9. more new music: ray lamontagne and the pariah dogs' god willin' & the creek don't rise plus taylor swift's speak now
10. quiet night for blogging
11. possibilities for even more music (mumford and sons, avett brothers, kings of leon and sugarland still on my wish list) and new seedlings for the fall/winter garden
12. photographs
13. unconditional love

even though i am not where i imagined myself being at thirty-six, i'd say i am pretty blessed and i have no reason to complain. life is good.