what's cookin'

every now and then i get a burst of energy that often leads me into the kitchen. cooking is so not my forte but i'm learning to like it. last month i signed up to bring homemade dinner rolls to the book club luncheon. yep, i sure did. didn't matter that i had never made rolls before. i was bound and determined to make the rolls. so, the day before the luncheon i start researching recipes. the morning of, i start making the dough. i swear i followed the recipe exactly and i knew there was a problem when my dough didn't rise but i continued on. yeah, not a good idea. i ended up with dense rolls that really needed to be followed by a laxative. see for yourself:

yes, i understand yeast can be tricky but i have successfully made pizza dough many times so i think churning out dinner rolls shouldn't be much of a problem. so, i continued on with my research and i finally decided to ditch the dinner rolls in exchange for cinnamon rolls. i found a recipe in my pioneer woman cookbook and decided to go for it. while i like the pioneer woman, i don't swear by her. half of her recipes i have made turned out delicious and half of them turned out so-so. i was on the fence but i do like that she photographs each step of the cooking process so that won me over. i'm glad it did. her cinnamon rolls are DIVINE! see for yourself:

the recipe makes like 50 rolls so i had to use several pans. when i saw it all laid out on the stove and i saw how beautiful the rolls turned out, i knew i had to start giving pans away. this project turned into a fun surprise and delight for neighbors and friends. it was a rainy, chilly morning so delivering fresh-from-the-oven rolls was just the perfect thing to do. pw claims five things will happen after you deliver rolls to your friends:
1. They’ll call you after they’ve taken the first bite and profess their eternal love for every ounce of your body, even your toe jam and love handles.
2. They’ll pass out after the first bite, hit their head on the kitchen counter, sustain a concussion, and sue you for damages, despite the fact that the one bite they tasted of your cinnamon roll was the single most profound culinary experience in their miserable little life.
3. They’ll call you and ask for the recipe, saying, "HOW did you make those?"
4. They’ll call you and propose marriage.
5. They’ll hug the cinnamon roll pan, get maple frosting all over their clothes, and send you the bill for the dry cleaning.
it's true, all true. well, i didn't receive a marriage proposal and i have yet to receive a dry cleaning bill, but my friends sent me a text proclaiming their love before i even pulled away from their house. one of my neighbors came over later in the afternoon and said her husband had a cinnamon roll when he was seven (seven!) years old and he never forgot how it tasted. she said he was reminded of that roll today. then she said i had (had!) to give her the recipe. if you're looking for a love partner or are thinking about popping the question but are afraid of being turned down, you should make these rolls. seriously. make them for your boss or human resources the next time you go in to ask for a raise. seriously. they are that good. now, the recipe called for a maple icing, which i made, but maple isn't my thing. i forgot all about it not being my thing once i had it in my mouth. she has an orange icing and a vanilla cream cheese icing, as well. i might try another one next time. actually, she has a a chocolate chip variety that sounds lip-smacking delicious. if i make these again, i know i will have to continue on with the tradition of surprising and delighting my friends because we can't have this stuff around here too often. 
* as a side note, the basic dough recipe can also be used for dinner rolls. good to know, good to know. i no longer fear conquering the dinner rolls for i have conquered the cinnamon rolls! 

books part three

my aunt, one of the best teachers i know, told me about this website where i am able to pull up reading lists by grade for star testing. good to know, good to know. i pulled up the list for my son's level and we haven't read more than ten on the list of one-twenty-nine. yikes! now, let me just give a quick shout out to my local librarians who now know me by name. i order books like crazy because we are crazy readers in this household. you better believe i am getting ready to place an order for more books.
anyway, here are a few more noteworthy books:

i add this book because it is true to life with siblings. while they can often be a pain in the butt, they are also your friends and nice matters. my son needed to hear this message, for sure.

mo willems is hysterical. we enjoy his books very much. we have only read one other elephant and piggie book but we are fans. this one is truly hysterical. it's reminiscent of the sesame street books about the monster at the end of the book (which we absolutely love and have read millions of times over the last six years) but i think that's why it is so appealing. it's interactive and it allows you to play different parts. it's an also an easy reader for kids.

beautiful! i ordered this book because it was on some 2010 book list and also because i know learning about winter and seasons will be on my son's homework packet in january and february. this book was exactly what i wanted it to be: simple and beautiful. the illustrations are old fashioned and pure. this is definitely one to buy.

this one i add just for fun. we like all the books but we stumbled upon this special edition with a cd. there are activities in the back of the book and funny songs. it provided some holiday entertainment for us.

this was a favorite of ours this year. i think we read it almost every night in december. this is definitely one for our bookshelf.

this book was also on a best of 2010 book list. i didn't realize it was written like a graphic novel when i ordered it but i actually liked it that way. it was a quick, easy read with a great message for adolescent girls and/or anyone struggling with self-esteem. those awkward junior high/high school days.

holiday treats

i have been a little out of it this holiday season. someone asked me recently what amazing treats i had planned this year and i was literally at a loss for words because i hadn't even thought of baking. i had finals and papers to write (finished with As by the way), work, kid activities and such going on that christmas was way off my radar. i am now on vacation  from work and school but we have been cooped up indoors due to the rain. i have done a lot of much needed sleeping, resting and catching up on little things around the house that had been pushed aside. well, today i finally realized it's christmas and i am officially excited. i'm feeling a bit stressed and i can't wait for it to be over, but i'm excited (we can thank the disney store for that). anyway, tonight i found a couple of recipes that made me a little giddy so the kids and i decided to try them out. we're going to put some packages together for some friends and neighbors and then we'll deliver them tomorrow. my son is a big fan of doorbell ditching (we only do it at christmas) so i'll let him have a little fun.

first, we tried candy cane chocolate covered pretzels. super easy especially for kids. i'll admit, we nibbled a few and they are sooo good. make sure you wrap these up for gifts or you'll be tempted to eat them all at once.basically, you just melt chocolate, dip the top of the pretzel in it and then sprinkle with crushed candy canes. easy!

then, we tried homemade peppermint patties. these were fairly easy but they kind of wore me out. the first part was quick and painless but the end was a bit tricky. my first batch turned out ugly (see photo) and my second batch only a bit prettier. looks aside, though, these little puppies are delicious! if you like york peppermint patties, you'll love these. they seriously rival the name brand.

happy holidays.

mother in law interview

back around thanksgiving, i interviewed my mother in law for national day of listening. it was an amazing experience. i have been married to her son for thirteen years and i barely know anything about her. in fact,my husband barely knows much about her. he was in the same room we were in when the interview took place and he sat so still, listening, learning about his mother. later, he told me her responses really surprised him. he said it was the closest he has ever felt to her. it was clearly a special moment and i'm glad i went out on a limb and broke the sound barrier between us. plus, it's one check off my bucket list. sadly, i can't check the whole line because i included my own mother and she ultimately refused to let me interview her. i think she got scared after hearing one of the questions i asked my mother in law. she actually had the nerve to say she "doesn't do interviews." i was sad and a bit appalled but i guess i'll just try harder next year.

but, back to my mother in law. she's a quiet woman who prefers to be a loner. she can go days, maybe even weeks, without leaving her house or talking to anyone. she has had a hard life and her three kids have put her through the wringer more than once. she is the second oldest of five but she is the smallest...by at least a foot, if not more. her siblings are large, fairly outspoken people you'd definitely want at your party. she is quite the opposite. in fact, i don't think people know much about her because they don't ask...me included. you just assume she doesn't have much to say. in reality, once you take an interest in her she glows and really enjoys talking about her life. here is a bit of her story:


what was the happiest moment of your life? she saddest? 
the happiest moment was having my kids; each one was an experience. the saddest moment was when i lost my mom to cancer. she was 65, i was 38. she had breast cancer and was in remission before it came back in her bones and in hr brain. she was sick for 21/2 years.
were you close?
yes. after i got a divorce we lived closer and called each other often. it was devastating. i took it hard.
who was the most important person in your life? can you tell me about him or her?
my grandparents were the most important people in my life. they were my mom's parents. my grandpa was a rancher. they were homebodies and they loved to have family around. they were our babysitters; they were so neat. we did a lot with them. they lived in pima but they moved to mesa to be close to the temple. we spent summers with them. they were in their 80's when they died; in the 60's.
who has been the biggest influence in your life? what lessons did that person teach you? 
my parents. my dad instilled a work ethic in us and he taught us how to do things on our own. he taught us to get out in the workforce. he was an electrical engineer and he worked on the hoover dam, in the mines, at jc penney's downtown, the arizona biltmore, the westward ho hotel and he ended up at asu as chief engineer. my mom was very strong in the church and she instilled in us to live our lives and not be ashamed of anything; to hold our heads up high.
who has been the kindest to you in your life?
the church members at all the wards i have been in. they were always kind to the kids. bishop waters took care of us. they've seen me at my worst and my best.
it has been said that after they pass away, the most important people in our lives "live within us." is there anyone in your past who lives within you?
uncle dutch, my mom's brother. he was a special person. i spent summers with him. he took us in when william was a baby until we could get a home of our own. he always cared for us.
what are the most important lessons you've learned in life? 
learn how to be a friend and not look at outside of person, look inside. mom said if you want friends, treat people how you wanted to be treated.
what is your earliest memory?
mom and dad went out and our grandparents were watching us. they put us to bed but we decided to get out of bed and go jump on my parent's bed. it was a wood frame bed with the best mattress. we jumped and jumped until it broke. we had to fess up later.
are there any words of wisdom you'd like to pass along to us?
just be yourselves. be friends with people; don't look down on anyone. be happy. there's a lot of sadness in this world. i'd like to see people happy in the worst of times. for my grandkids, enjoy school. have friends, you can never have too many.
what are you proudest of in your life? 
my kids getting married, my grandkids. seeing (my daughter) get out of her mess and repairing her relationship with (her own daughter). seeing them have a good mother/daughter relationship. watching you kids get married. i love to see my kids happy.
when in life have you felt the most alone?
when (my son and his wife) were arrested. i never want to feel that way again. family helped pull me out...you kids, my ward and the rest of the family. i was ready to shut my door and never let anyone in again. i never want anyone to feel how i felt. moving (to another state) helped. being needed, having something else to focus on, helping my sister, it all helped. i had my church and my friends but still having to see my daughter in law was hard to take. she should have to serve time with (my son). she can never leave (my town) now. she took it away from me. they took pity on her because i didn't want anything to do with her. i felt like i was in prison.
will you ever move back?
maybe. i haven't given up the idea of moving back. i like my house. i might be stronger one day, strong enough to handle it. she took over my church and i often didn't want to go.
how has your life been different than what you'd imagined? 
oh my gosh, how has it been different. i never thought i would get a divorce. i never thought what happened with (my son) would ever happen. i always knew i'd have kids but the way the divorce went down was horrible.
how would you like to be remembered? 
that i love family. i love my grandkids. i love the closeness of family.
do you have any regrets?
i wish things could have worked out with their father. maybe i should have gotten remarried. my kids didn't have a father. they had an uncle but they didn't have a father.
how long were you married?
ten years. things started going downhill after (my daughter) was born. he didn't want a girl. he also pulled my sons apart. he focused on (the oldest son) and made (the other) give everything to him. to this day, i blame him for tearing my sons apart.
what does your future hold? 
possibly moving back to (my state), to my grandkids and kids.
is there something about me you've always wanted to know but have never asked? 
yes. how did you take your parent's divorce?

books, books and more books

we read a lot around here. someone is bound to be reading at any moment of the day which makes me quite happy. as i've mentioned before, i log the books i read but i don't typically log the kid books i read. my son has to log them for school each week but they keep the lists. i do know we have read over 450 books in the 3 months we have been in school. anyway, my friend over here posted this recently and it made me itchy with anticipation. within seconds after reading it, i was logged into the library system, ordering books like crazy. today, i picked up a bunch of books and we started reading. here are some of our favorites:

a cute little book for christmas.

i am in love with antonio sacre right now. this book gave us a chuckle and my son requested we read it again tomorrow.

if you get a chance to check out antonio's website, i encourage you to watch all three parts of the clip from tribes and bridges.









another cute story with lovely illustrations. this made it on tomorrow's reading list, as well.

a book of reversible verse. brilliant. my son figured it out right away and he was so intrigued. i think we might try to write our reversos (reading up and down). yes, we'll be reading this one tomorrow.

now, this book is pure genius! this is one i want for our personal library. love it, love it, love it. i will probably read it a few more times before we read it again tomorrow.

and this is an encore. i read this for the first time last month and i read it over and over and over again. this is another keeper and a must for all girls (and boys) to read.

happy reading.

thankful

i'm not usually a fan of josh groban but i am so in love with this song today.
on this thanksgiving day, here are some things i am quite thankful for:
> life, breath, good health
> family...both immediate and extended
> husband's job
> health insurance, with no hidden fees
> friends
> the chance to visit with my mother in law and some of her siblings this week...we haven't seen the aunts and uncle in over five years
> the opportunity to interview my mother in law with my husband present...he had never heard her be open and he would never have guessed some of her responses
> the check my mother in law gave us as she left
> the turkey my husband's employer gave to all their employees
> music to dance to, cry to, laugh to and sing to
> my sweet, generous mother
> a running vehicle, or two
> the financial aid approval after submitting my appeal, not sure what it means but it might mean the opportunity to register for spring classes
> the possibility of a job in a new field by summer
> dreams, big and small
> my homemade, from-the-garden, pumpkin pies...homemade crust to boot
> a home to live in
> the internet...i know, such a strange thing to be thankful for but i find so many useful things on there like recipes to try
> thanksgiving break
> my word for 2010, pursue
> my safe neighborhood
> the library that allows me to check out 30+ books each week...they also allow me order books online so all i have to do is pick them up when ready
> freedom
> the zoo being open today
> family...i know i said this already but i so appreciative of family this week
> my husband and my children, they make my world a much better place
there is so much more i am thankful for but this post has to end sometime. i hope your day was lovely.

#84 sip a martini...check!

i did it! i have officially sipped my first martini, or two. i started with a lemon drop and moved on to an appletini.

100 things

some call it a bucket list, others 100 things to do before i go. whatever it is, here is mine (and, by the way, i am appropriately listening to dreams by neil diamond as i write this):

1. learn to play the guitar
2. play my favorite songs and sing along without fear or shame
3. speak another language, preferably spanish since it's in my blood
4. own a house with a huge porch where my family and i can gather for hours on end to read, play games, sing, talk and just be
5. own a house with a large kitchen and attached dining area that we name "el corazon" because it will literally be the heart of the house
6. host weekly sunday dinners for family and friends (and anyone else who wants to join us)
7. renew my wedding vows to e with elvis officiating
8. work in education
9. care for my mom as she gets older
10. travel through europe
11. become an athlete
12. mentor a school-age child
13. start a reading club for kids who don't get read to at home
14. learn how to knit like a pro
15. start a jump rope club and double-dutch every day
16. take up rollerskating
17. run, walk or rollerskate a half marathon and/or marathon
18. run a 5k
19. smooch my honey in the tunnel of love on a gondola ride in venice (italy)
20. regularly volunteer in a soup kitchen
21. find the perfect spot to spread the ashes of my sons, c & a...sweet babies who died much too soon
22. practice yoga and meditation daily
23. take a photography class
24. learn how to swim
25. donate my hair to locks of love
26. earn a master's degree
27. learn how to sew my own clothes (no more floods for this tall lady)
28. grow a bountiful, year-round, garden
29. finish a crossword puzzle on my own (no nyt's for me...any crossword will do)
30. live on a farm
31. reduce my water usage by at least fifty percent
32. get electrolysis
33. change my diet to follow mypyramid
34. watch gone with the wind
35. take annual family vacations
36. spend six months at yosemite and hike all the trails
37. go skinny dipping
38. buy one luxury item
39. gift luxury item to random person on street
40. assist with a homebirth
41. find my family in mexico
42. give away large sums of money
43. send my children to college and watch them graduate
44. help build a house for a family in need
45. take a becky bloomwood tour of london
46. learn a new word every day for a year and use it correctly in a sentence at least once
47. accept, without hesitation, a friend's request to be a surrogate (this stems from my true love of pregnancy and the joy of giving birth, along with my own battles with mother nature . i won't give my eggs but i will gladly carry a baby. knowing i have had a thirty-three percent success rate, i doubt this will ever happen which is why i will add another dream to my list)
48. visit all the national parks
49. finish my kid's scrapbooks
50. wear a wedding ring again
51. bicycle through napa...indeed, a wine tour
52. sport a pixie cut
53. become a vegetarian
54. stay in one of those water huts in bora bora

55. buy a custom made bra
56. interview my mother and mother-in-law
57. host a coming out party for a friend
58. play the harmonica
59. jam with the Cherry's
60. visit all the historical sites in washington, dc
61. become a morning person
62. meet my first (and favorite) pen pal, ellery (remember bop magazine? that's how we met.)
63. participate in a three day cancer walk
64. knit hats and blankets for premature babies
65. have a homemade christmas
66. go back to central park with my husband
67. snorkel
68. take my favorite girlfriends on a retreat at sea ranch lodge
69. go caroling with the southwells
70. speak up when i see or hear someone being bullied
71. take my husband to his first concert, preferably neil diamond
72. ride a roller coaster at cedar point amusement park
73. read the harry potter books
74. own custom-made cowboy boots in red and pink
75. have a chocolate croissant at a cafe in paris
76. get a passport
77. grow enough pumpkins each year to host a pumpkin carving party for all our friends
78. take my son to hearst castle
79. see the pyramids in egypt
80. go to dollywood
81. pay back everyone who has ever given me money
82. start a family tradition of gifting a family the twelve days of christmas
83. send christmas cards again
84. sip a martini 11/21/10
85. join pflag
86. watch the ball drop in time square
87. learn the salsa
88. earn a blackbelt
89. attend an opera
90. wear sexy lingerie, and like it
91. influence the local school district to stop wasting food
92. visit my state capital
93. plant a tree
94. attend the los angeles book festival
95. leave my mark by finding the cause of the adhd epidemic in order to get kids off unnecessary medication
96. listen to more music at home
97. make someone smile or laugh every day
98. shower outdoors
99. dress fancy at least once
100. live near my gals in portland
101. dine at cafe gratitude
102. order a vodka martini, straight up, a little dirty

phew! this was much harder than it seemed. i have added much more to the list since i wrote it which is good since we should never stop dreaming. can't wait to read yours.

listening

my lovely friend at may the beauty participates in the national day of listening every year and it has always captivated me. i mean, i'm a recruiter by trade (or, was) and i love listening to people tell their story. what really got me interested was the tag line: celebrate by recording and preserving interviews with the people you care about. i'm an interviewer, i can interview any joe on the street but interview someone i know and love? forget about it. i was raised in a family of strangers. top that with being an introvert and you have one girl who rarely spoke at family functions. seriously. i lived with my mom my whole life (minus one year) yet i didn't really get to know her until after i got married. heck, i still don't even really know her and i think that's why i was captivated by this whole thing. i am on a mission, a mission to know my mom. i don't jump in heart first, though, so i started by interviewing three wise women i know. all three women were in my book club, they are roughly twenty to thirty-five years my senior, one i have known my whole life, two i have only just met in the last five years, and all are women i would seek out for advice. they all come from different walks of life yet their responses were very similar. i am lucky to have so many great role models in my life.

what was the happiest moment of your life and why?

The first thought that came to mind was the birth of my son Brian.  He was an absolutely amazing gift to us and he came from me.  The next one would be the birth of my granddaughters.  I look at them and know that I live on through them.

 

 When my son Conner was born. I had a miscarriage before him.

 

Probably like most mothers, when I gave birth, because (at 30 for the first daughter) I had ALWAYS wanted to be a mom and impart good ideals to another human. Plus I was curious what he/she would be like! After that, I realized how much my mother loved us kids!

 

what are the most important lessons you have learned in life? 

To live my life one day at a time and not sweat the small stuff.  I count my blessings daily and try to live my life as a vessel of the Lord.  Heady stuff, but I know too that I'm not perfect and I forgive myself for failing, as well as not taking what others say or do to me as personal.  It's just what they feel at the time or a condition of their upbringing.

 

Hold out for what you want. Do not compromise your values, beliefs, desires.  

 

That nobody is guaranteed anything - not the next moment, or the next day, or happiness. Not a job, a car, the best of anything. 

Also, I have learned - and want my kids to know - that everyone needs to be accountable. To yourself, to your family, to coworkers, your friends, even to complete strangers if you need to be. 

Honesty is the absolute best quality. Nobody can continue to talk bad about you or beat you up if you can simply learn to say "I am sorry" or "I guess I screwed up" or "I misunderstood". 

Hold up your end of the "bargain". Do your best. Try hard, and then think of another way it can be done, and try again.

You can't please some people, no matter how hard you try. Accept that, and deal with it.

 

how would you like to be remembered?

I did the best I could with what I failed at and that I learned from my mistakes to be the best me for the love of my God and family.  In in a way, like the book we read about  the carnival worker, that because of me I brought something positive to others.

 

Someone who listened to and truly cared for others.

 

That's a tough one. I want to be remembered as being loving, for sure.

I want to be remembered as happy, and brave, and slightly daring.

As a good mother, a good person, maybe even a role model in some ways. 

As a good listener, a good friend, and reliable. And human, not perfect, but truthful about my faults. 

And compassionate. Do not forget compassionate. And kind to all.

Those are all pretty lofty ambitions, though. It doesn't hurt to try!

 

the next day of listening is just around the corner. while you have your family and friends gathered, i encourage you to spend a moment or two with them to get their stories. document, carry on their legacy, or just listen. your life will be changed forever, i guarantee it.  here is a list of great questions just to get you started.

i heart homemade

i have officially sworn off cake mixes sold in grocery and specialty stores. they just don't even compare to the taste of real ingredients. try this recipe and you'll agree.


before you pour the batter into the pan, dip a spoon in the bowl for a quick lick. mmm...mmm...good. and for those of you rolling your eyes because who really has time to make a cake "from scratch," i swear to you it won't take you much longer than it takes to dump ole betty or duncan into a bowl. seriously.

i didn't use the buttercream recipe that goes with the cake...too complicated. instead, i scoured the internet (i do that often) to find this recipe for chocolate frosting from our best bites. oh.my.goodness. so good for being so easy.

now, here are two tips i think you should know about (that i discovered on my own, thankyouverymuch).
1. if the recipe calls for ingredients to be at room temp, they must be at room temp before mixing. don't question me, just do it. and, it is really important that the room temp be set at, oh, maybe 75 degrees. you want the butter to be really soft, warm soft not cold soft. i made the most delightful batch of cupcakes on a warm thursday and i made a not-so-delightful batch on a rainy saturday. the difference was vast. the thursday cakes were moist, light and fluffy while the saturday cakes were moist but very dense, heavy. same with the frosting. and microwaving the butter just doesn't cut it.
2. use an ice cream or cookie dough scoop to transfer batter from mixing bowl to cupcake cups. you will have completely uniform cupcakes. it's amazing, really. i used to have some cupcakes that were very tall and some that were very short which always made it a pain to decorate. not anymore. i only have a mini or small scoop which worked out fine. you might have to experiment with different sized scoops to find the perfect one. this is definitely a secret well kept. i was so happy to have discovered it all on my own!!!

i also discovered martha stewart does have some easy tricks up her sleeve. that woman typically drives me nuts but i swear she really is a genius (with a really great staff). i found the recipe for white chocolate ghosts here. super easy and super fun to make. kids and adults went ga-ga for these little guys.

feliz cumpleaños

"happy one year to me" sounds much better than "happy thirty-sixth," right?  my happy space in the blogosphere turns one today. me, on the other hand, am old. according to some of my favorite kids at school, i am older than most of their moms...heck, i'm probably closer to grandma's age. yes, they actually said those words to me one day. actually, they shrieked when i bent down to pick something up and they saw all my gray hair. apparently, i gave them a fright. i didn't know whether to cry or to laugh (because they really thought i was just a teenager). instead, i made a mental note to reconsider my decision not to dye my hair anymore.

anyway...

thirty-six kinda sucks, i ain't gonna lie. BUT, here are the things that made me really happy today:
1. waking up to my lovely family wishing me a happy birthday. even the two-and-a-half year old who doesn't generally say much said, "ha pee bewfday, mama."
2. making the kiddos my favorite breakfast treat: chocolate-filled crepes
3. coffee with a great friend
4. bumping into an old friend
5. new music: neil diamond's home...seriously makes me feel at home and it totally gave me goosebumps
6. family and sweet friends
7. seeing my very pregnant cousin at her baby shower...never thought she'd have a baby
8. baby bump...oh, how i love baby bellies and pregnant women...one of the most beautiful things on earth
9. more new music: ray lamontagne and the pariah dogs' god willin' & the creek don't rise plus taylor swift's speak now
10. quiet night for blogging
11. possibilities for even more music (mumford and sons, avett brothers, kings of leon and sugarland still on my wish list) and new seedlings for the fall/winter garden
12. photographs
13. unconditional love

even though i am not where i imagined myself being at thirty-six, i'd say i am pretty blessed and i have no reason to complain. life is good.

color me happy

i have been trying to grow sunflowers since spring. the ones we planted in the backyard either never grew or they died young (the earwigs chowed down on them). over the summer, we were gifted a huge, dried out sunflower. the kids picked the seeds, counted them and we threw all one thousand plus seeds into the front yard. miraculously, they all grew and, even more miraculously, they are starting to bloom in this cold, rainy weather. brings a smile to my face whenever i look outside.

the best

the other day i scoured the internet for the best chocolate chip cookie recipe and i finally found one that lived up to its claim. in fact, this came out of the mouth of my husband:

I swear every time you bite into one of these chocolate chip cookies it's like biting into one for the first time and falling in love with them all over again!

i don't usually get rave reviews like that so i'm sticking with this recipe and now i'm going to share it with you.

alice's chocolate chip cookies
(i can't take the credit. i found this at savorysweetlife.com )

1 c (2 sticks) salted butter, softened
1/2 c sugar
1 1/2 c packed brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 c (12 oz) flour --> recipes says to weigh the flour but i don't have the patience for that
1 tsp smallish-medium coarse sea salt --> yes, sea salt. don't use table salt. kosher salt works well, too.
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
2 1/4 c chocolate chips --> yes, 1 1/2 bags. don't scrimp

preheat oven to 360
cream butter, sugar and brown sugar on med-high for 3 minutes (no less!) until light and fluffy
add eggs and vanilla and mix for another 2 minutes (no less!)
add baking soda, baking powder, salt and flour until well mixed
add chocolate chips and mix well
use small-medium cookie scoop to plop dough onto parchment lined cookie sheet (totally didn't read that part. i use a pizza stone, though, so they probably come out the same. parchment paper usually makes a big difference, so use it.)
bake for 11-14 minutes, until edges are golden brown
remove from oven and let sit (on cookie sheet) for 2 minutes
remove from cookie sheet and cool for 3 minutes before serving
prepare to be wowed!

notes:
* i bake for 11 minutes because i like my cookies to be soft (ish) and chewy. my husband likes crunchy so his stay in for the full 14 minutes
* i would like to remind you not to use table salt. only sea or kosher. i repeat, do not use table salt
* follow the directions and cream for the full amount of time. i honestly think this is the secret to the best cookies
* use fresh baking soda and baking powder, or at least from containers that have been tightly sealed. your cookies will be flat otherwise.

dreams

i did this last year and it's supposed to represent me and my dreams. i stumbled upon it recently and it brought me so much joy. i'm definitely headed in the right direction.

bliss

bedtime has always been a struggle around here. a struggle for me, not necessarily my children. after a long, busy day, i am usually exhausted by bedtime and so it becomes a struggle for me to put the kids to bed. i become really selfish and cranky because i just want the kids to go to bed at the snap of my finger so i can get on with my "me time." this doesn't happen, of course, so i sometimes use an ugly tone or say ugly things that surprise my husband. he's always telling me that i spend more time being cranky than i would spend if i just got up and helped the kids to bed. easy for him to say since the kids don't generally want him to help with bed (probably because he has never tangled himself up with the whole bedtime routine...smart man).

anyway, for the most part, my daughter is the easiest to put to bed. she has always preferred to sleep in her own bed, by herself. i put her down and she falls asleep on her own. sometimes she might have a crying fit but it's not a daily thing. my son is the one i have most difficulty with. he's my lover-boy, he likes to snuggle and have his back scratched while he falls asleep. i usually end up crawling in bed next to him until he falls asleep and then i make my great escape. now that he's six and a big boy this all feels silly and i want my independence back. i have tried walking away but then he cries and cries and it breaks my heart. this has become a little more stressful for me lately because that thirty minutes makes a huge difference in my day and in my slumber.

well, i recently read a book called raising your spirited child by mary sheedy kurcinka and it has changed my life. not only did i discover that my daughter is not spirited (she's spunky) but i discovered that we all have some of the temperaments discussed in the book. like i found out that my son and i are clearly introverts and that spending time with other people exerts all of our energy. we need time alone to process our day and to calm down. in her book, mary recommends working toward a "yes". kids hear "no" all day long and, as you can imagine, after hearing "no" after "no" you shut down and you stop caring. she also discusses bed time and how it's different for everyone depending on their temperament. she shares my husbands thought,"is it worth spending five extra minutes on something if it will give you several extra hours of bliss?" it has taken me a long time to realize the answer but now that i have found it, i am in a state of nirvana.

i used to stagger bedtime. my daughter went to bed at seven-thirty and my son went to bed at eight. this was mostly due to the fact that they share a bedroom. they now go to bed at the same time. pj's and teeth brushing starts at seven, then thirty minutes of reading and lights out no later than seven forty-five. they are both in their own beds and i am on the rug in the middle of the room. that rug has become my sanctuary. i use my head lamp to read and/or do yoga and meditation. it works out for everyone. my kids are comforted by my presence and i have thirty minutes of total relaxation. by the time i'm done, i am ready for bed. before, i used to struggle to find the time to relax and meditate. when my bedtime routine ended around nine, i still needed "me time" so i would end up staying up until eleven or twelve and then i would be so tired and so cranky at wake-up time. bedtime is now a joyful time and i am so thankful...and so much happier.

bzz'ing

i recently tried two products that we given to me from BzzAgent. here are the results:

1. l'oreal paris collagen micro-pulse eye: i ended up with black eyes. seriously. the micro-pulse is a little vibrator that you run under your eye. it's supposed to help remove puffiness, wrinkles and dark circles. ha! that little vibrator bruised me and i woke up with the darkest circles under my eyes. totally worthless. i had my mom try it because she really has dark circles and wrinkles (she's sixty two) and she tossed it aside after one use. i was very sad because i was a big fan of linda evangelista back in the day.

2. garnier fructis sleek and shine blow dry perfector: oy. still dabating on this one. it's another complicated system...whatever happened to quick and easy styling products? this is a two part process. you shampoo, then put on a twenty-minute smooth-it serum which stinks. i mean, really stinks. remember the smell of permanents from the eighties? it's kind of like that. you can feel the chemicals just seeping into your blood stream through your scalp. my husband and daughter ran into the other room, afraid to come near me. my husband even asked," is that the stuff that came in the mail yesterday? you're very brave." anyway, after twenty minutes you rinse and apply the heat-activated perfect-it cream and then blow dry or flat iron. the cream had a fruity scent but it wasn't enough to cover the chemical smell. it was a little embarrassing being out in public because that scent followed me everywhere. my hair did seem smooth but it also felt heavy and stiff. i guess it lasts seven days so i'll see how the next six days go.

free-range

• walk 1.5 miles home from school in 5th grade
• come home from school to an empty house
• play barbies in the empty lot next door while wearing wonder woman underoos
• fly internationally...alone...to a THIRD WORLD country...to a city now considered one of the world's deadliest? most dangerous? bloodiest? i can't remember which but it's run by drug cartels so it's definitely not at the top of the list of places to visit. 
• do my own laundry
• walk to the market or to the fro-yo store, alone
• wander around the neighborhood until dark
• cook my own meals
• explore amusement parks and the mall without adult supervision
• visit my father in a foreign prison
• visit neighbors without permission
• swim at the local pool 

these are things my mother let me do between the ages of 5 and 10. does that make her a bad mother? if you ask me, no. i think it actually made her a good mother. i learned at a young age that i could take care of myself. did creepy men pull over to the side of the road to make lewd comments to me? yup, they did. creepy men have always been around. the difference is, i figured out how to make them go away. did my mom teach me? probably not. i probably figured it out the first time it happened. who knows? i do know that back in fifth grade when i walked home from school i had confidence, i had swagger, i could kick butt. if you knew me back then, you'd laugh and say, "yeah right." but it's true. i wasn't a tough kid but i felt tough on my long walk home because i was empowered. my mom let me walk home that far because i didn't want to change schools in the middle of the year. she may not have wanted to let me do it but she did. she knew i could do it. she believed in me and that belief spoke louder than any words.

 with that being said,  i would not let my children do the things i was allowed to do. does that me a good mom? probably not. in fact, i'd say it makes me a freaky, paranoid mom. and all i'm doing is rubbing that paranoia on my kids. so if my kids were walking home alone and a creepy person pulled over to them, i'm not sure they would know what to do. that's scary. that's scarier than the creepy person, i think.

so now i'm on a mission to give my kids a kid-friendly childhood. one that involves being in the great outdoors, exploring and learning about life with or without me standing next to them to pick them up when they fall.  i recently stumbled upon this book, free-range kids  by lenore skenazy, and it's a breath of fresh air. 

i definitely think every parent should read this and then practice being free-range. it's not as scary as it seems. i mean, i did hold my breath the entire time but, i finally let my son cross the street without holding my hand. yup, baby step, but it felt great. so now, i no longer escort him to his classroom. instead, i drop him off in line and leave. pretty soon he will join the running club before school so he'll be on his own to get himself in line and to class.  just yesterday when he realized he forgot his lunchbox, i said he could  run back to get it. he said, "really?!?," with a smile and then ran off. he only ran two cars ahead of mine before he came back to ask me to go with him. here's the thing, i let him go which showed i believed in his capability and i allowed him to make the decision to ask for company. i can't wait to try out more free-range parenting.

delicious dinner

i am not a fan of cooking poultry (or, most meat for that matter). in fact, i actually get really disgusted when i have to cook chicken. so disgusted that i usually don't end up eating what i've cooked. today was no exception. my husband is on crutches and in a fair amount of pain so i was left to cook up some whole chicken breasts. on the bone, which is just the creepiest. my directions started with "rub chicken with olive oil," which i did in a weird amelia bedelia sort of way. i'll spare you the details (it literally felt like i was making out with a chicken) but i will share the ingredients because the chicken turned out delicious and i did, in fact, eat it.

• put raw chicken in container (one with lid for marinating purposes)
• rub chicken with olive oil
• sprinkle with cracked pepper
• crush one garlic clove per chicken part (obviously you can use pieces other than breasts)
• place crushed garlic inside skin of meat
• in a separate bowl, juice 3 lemons (or more depending on your taste. my husband said to juice two lemons, but i love lemon so i juiced 3)
• drop in thin slices of lemon ( i sliced a 4th lemon for this)
• add some freshly picked (or store bought) rosemary, oregano and thyme to juice (no specific quantity. i probably used a handful of each)
• let soak for a minute or two
• grab some of the herbs and place inside skin with crushed garlic (do this to each piece)
• pour lemon juice over chicken and place lemon slices on top of each piece of chicken
• drizzle more olive oil on top and lightly sprinkle with cracked pepper
• cover and refrigerate until ready to cook (i let mine sit for several hours prior to cooking)
• grill chicken with lemon slices on top of meat (most of the slices stayed on the meat even after turning over on grill)
• my husband says chicken is done when it  has reached a temperature of 165 degrees for 5 consecutive seconds (or longer if you're picky like me). or, click here for other guidelines. i do recommend using a thermometer.

i wish i had taken a photo of the chicken because it really turned out lovely, as well as, tasty.  every bite was lemony and the herb mixture was perfect-o. try it, you won't be disappointed.  we paired it with some orzo that had a slightly creamy sauce (i think we added a small amount of chicken stock and cream that was cooked down) and some of our homegrown vegetables (zucchini, eggplant, tomato) with a sprinkle of parmesan cheese and basil.

since i don't have photos of the meal, i will share with you some photos of the garden:

little pumpkin. we already have ten good sized pumpkins growing with at least one or two new sprouts every other day or so. claim your pumpkin now and start planning your design for our pumpkin carving party in october. on another note, if you're planning on growing pumpkins, make sure you have plenty of room for them to grow. these plants are wild and they are growing way beyond the space i had intended them to grow in. in fact, i am almost certain that by the time october rolls around, our yard will be covered in pumpkins. my plan for next year is to plant them in the front yard in neat rows so it will actually look like a pumpkin patch and so they will have plenty of space (and so we will have a green yard instead of the ugly, brown, dead weeds. we use minimal water and a lot of recycled water so i promise we aren't using more than our fair share).  i just have to build a fence and work the soil before next spring.

corn. it's finally growing. the stalks are much taller than me now. they had a growth spurt while i was on vacation, of course. i just hope i find a way to get the corn once it's ready...the pumpkins are totally surrounding the stalks so it might be difficult.

take a look for yourself. it doesn't look that crazy in this photo but it really is. i can't step through the pumpkins for fear of breaking the feeding tubes. this was obviously a very poor design on my part. i'll figure it out, i will.

another view. see how far out the pumpkin vines go? the space between the railroad tie and that little tree is at least six feet. the vine next to the fence actually extends to another tree that is probably 12 feet away. good thing we like pumpkins. we make pies using fresh pumpkin and pumpkin soup is just delicious. i'm most excited about having a bunch of friends over to carve pumpkins, though.

we are already preparing for the fall crops. cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, peas, carrots, lettuce, spinach and onions. this is just a start, we have more seeds to plant soon. some seeds must be ordered through a seed catalog or online. i'm being more thoughtful this time about what we're planting and how. i am definitely going to do the successive planting so we always have stuff to harvest. i also prefer to start my seeds in these little containers as it makes it much easier to plant without harming the roots.

the original garden is going through a transition. i pulled some zucchini plants out, as well as some bell pepper and green beans. my lettuce ended up going to seed so i pulled that out, too. i guess lettuce doesn't last forever which is why successive planting is important. the zucchini plant in the back produced tons of zucchini but i kept having to cut the tubes because they were crowding my watermelons. i finally decided i wanted watermelons more than zucchini. my watermelon plants sure are taking their time, though. it's a little frustrating but i am trying to be really patient and i am giving them lots of tlc.

oh, look at this strange little tomato. it has an appendage. i'm interested to see how it turns out.

and our cool discovery of the day: a full and complete lizard skin. i still can't figure out how the lizard shed his skin without damaging it. the little leg parts are even attached. quite fascinating.

vacation

one of my favorite portions of the interstate. after traveling through major cities with large buildings, traffic and lots of pollution, you get to this spot that takes you back in time a little. the buildings are replaced by velvety mountains and it feels like you are escaping the hustle and bustle to a place where things slow down a bit and it's much easier to breathe.

and we did escape to a special place where the streets are lined with trees, where you know your neighbors very well (heck, you probably know the whole town), where your kids can run free without worry and where you support your local businesses. my kids went crazy for this town. they played on the front lawn, on the sidewalk, they crossed the street by themselves (even the two year old, gasp!), they had a little freedom.

and then we escaped again, to the coast, and it was lovely. definitely a change of pace, a time for rejuvenation and so much peacefulness. oh, how i love my state.oh, how i love my country. oh, how i love this planet earth.

finally, you can't visit these parts and not visit a farm for some fresh fruits and vegetables. that would be a sin.

dissecting

one of the cool things we did on vacation was dissect an owl pellet. we found some pellets on a walk and then we decided to go back to collect them to dissect. this was one of the coolest projects we have ever done. my six year old son loved it. like many other six year old boys, he wants to be a paleontologist so this was right up his alley. we even saved a pellet to bring home with us to dissect with dad (who is not in the least bit excited or amused by this project).

all in all, we discovered fifteen skulls, six jaws, eight scapulas, thirty-four forelimbs, six hindlimbs, two ribs and four vertebrae. what did you do on vacation?

last thoughts before i head out on vacation

this tomato was divine. as soon as it started turning color, i claimed it as my own. we must have about twenty-plus green tomatoes but they are taking f o r e v e r to turn red. i had no idea it took so long. if they all turn red while i am away i will be so mad. i can still taste the sweetness and the warmth of this little guy. wow.

this girl has no mercy. i was trying to set the little bugger free but she came over and just squished him. poor guy. remember the photo where she's holding a ladybug? i didn't mention that she squished it, too, shortly after the photo was taken. big brut. but you know what's really cool about these photos? you can see caterpillar (or worm?) poop and guts. you might not be able to see it but she has green, slimy stuff running down her finger. so cool.

meet bo-bo (short for bro-bro) and boba fett. the kids won these at the fair. i'm actually scared to post this because i recently came upon some comments to a post asking if you can put two goldfish in one bowl and the comments were scathing. s c a t h i n g. i didn't know whether to laugh hysterically or crawl under the table in tears. i mean, do goldfish really fall under peta? geesh. if i listen to them, we are in the same classification as murderers. in fact, they recommended just killing the fish in order for it to live a better life. apparently, there is no such thing as a fishbowl. so let me just say, we have two fish in separate bowls and i feel no remorse about it. they make my kids happy, they are an acceptable pet, we keep them very clean and well fed and we have even tried to spruce up their bowls. to me, they are just goldfish. if they are more to you, then i apologize.we can leave it at that. there's no need to send me hate mail.

so, a few posts back i shared a recipe for laundry powder. it worked out well for me but i felt like i had to wash in hot water to make sure the soap melted. i don't wash in hot, i prefer cold (unless it's bedding and/or some whites). anyway, i decided to try out the liquid version and i love it! for one, it made a little over three gallons of laundry soap so i won't be running out soon. for two, apparently the cost broken down comes out to .01 cent spent per load. but, most importantly, it's all natural. there aren't any sneaky ingredients in there and we aren't wasting tons of giant plastic bottles. the only change i made to the recipe was a change in the soap. i used dr. bonner's baby mild organic bar soap.  i'm really digging this homemade stuff. next up? homemade deodorant.

okay, i am off on vacation now. i'll be back in about a week. enjoy summer.