Monday, January 9, 2012
really?!? seriously?!?
i don't know when it happened but it's driving me nuts. over the last year or so i have noticed that most people add really?!? or seriously?!? to the end of almost every sentence. in fact, sometimes you don't even need a sentence as the sentence is reduced to just "really?!?" or "really, sam, really?!?" i started paying attention when i heard my son saying it to his sister one day last year. it really caught me by surprise. i then realized he picked it up from his teacher. she used both all the time. and that's when i thought, "really, mrs. s, really? is this the way we motivate our children?" and then i kept catching myself saying it during math homework with my son (you all know how frustrating that was for me). lately, i hear my husband using it when degrading disciplining (if you can call it that) our children. and, of course, we use it because everyone, everywhere does the same. i don't know about you, but i am over it. add that to my list of bad habits to break this year. seriously.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
resolutions
i have started the year with just a few resolutions, in addition to my one little word:
1. do not spend any of my own money at starbucks (gifts are okay)
2. dress fancy one time this year
3. practice loving kindness every day (through meditation)
4. follow the ten simple steps of raising happiness (book by christine carter, ph.d)
5. have one exquisite moment every day
we're on day eight and i can tell you i am two for five. i have not, i repeat, i have not spent any money at starbucks. on day two, i did text my husband to request a coffee on his way home from work, completely forgetting my resolution. luckily, he didn't "see" the text because he would have gone through the starbucks drive-thru. phew! i really don't have anything against the company. in fact, i once had a wild love affair with starbucks...unfortunately, it ended badly. either way, i still spend way.too.much.money. at that place and i would like for it to stop (sorry, friends). i am fortunate enough to live a few blocks away from a few other coffee houses and i'd rather help those places stay in business. actually, i intend to purchase myself a nice espresso machine so i can whip up my own tasty beverage any time i desire and save oodles of money altogether. next year, this resolution might be: only drink coffee at home.
i have also been devoted to practicing loving-kindness daily. in fact, i tried it with my son once and he is now addicted so we practice it every night before bed. tonight, we included my youngest. she might not get the concept but she is repeating the phrases which i am hoping will seep into her soul at some point. if you haven't tried this, i highly recommend it. once you practice loving-kindness, you'll feel so much better, much happier, less stressed and less uptight. i have been doing this for a while but i was interested to learn an approach for kids (thanks to christine carter, author of raising happiness).
i have to sit up to practice loving-kindess or i'll fall asleep. i have the kids do it in bed, hoping that this will relax them enough to fall asleep without battle. anyway, i have them close their eyes and visualize themselves. then we repeat a few phrases, taken directly from the book, like: may i be well. may i be happy. may i be filled with ease. then i have them visualize someone they are thankful for, someone they love, someone they feel neutral about (neither like nor dislike), someone they don't like and then everyone. we repeat the chant (changing i to you) for each person. at the end we say, may all beings everywhere be happy. my son has the hardest time visualizing someone he doesn't like so i usually just let him visualize anyone of his own choosing. tonight i changed the chant and he reminded me what we have been saying. at first i didn't think this really made much of a difference to him, but obviously it has. i am so glad i included the children in this resolution.
i have been on vacation for a couple of weeks and my brain tends to shut off during this time. i don't follow a schedule and i don't follow too many guidelines. because of this, i can't tell you if i have had an exquisite moment every day. tonight it would be practicing loving-kindness with the kids. i will start keeping track tomorrow when it's back to the daily grind.
the one resolution i struggle with the most is following the ten simple steps to raising happiness. specifically, i am trying to avoid put-downs ("you're acting like a brat") and i am trying to avoid controlling language ("pick up your toys NOW!"). here's the problem, it's hard to use other tactics when my soon-to-be-four-year-old throws huge tantrums and yells things like, "LEAVEMEALONE!" when i'm trying to enforce bedtime. or, when she doesn't feel like picking up her toys after i have requested her to several times, using several different methods. i finally succumb to the, "do you want me to pick up your toys? because I will. and do you know what happens when I pick up your toys? that's right, i give them to other kids who will appreciate them" and, i do. in fact her brother looked at her said, "you don't want mom to pick up your toys." do you know what she did? she looked over at all her toys, shrugged, and said,"they're old anyway." so i bagged up all the toys and they are sitting in the back of my car waiting to be donated. and, i am going to let her do the honor. wrong approach, i know. you don't even have to tell me but, in the heat of the moment, it seemed right. just when i was feeling thankful i wouldn't be going through menopause during the teen years, it appears the teen years have come early. i better get back to practicing loving-kindess...
1. do not spend any of my own money at starbucks (gifts are okay)
2. dress fancy one time this year
3. practice loving kindness every day (through meditation)
4. follow the ten simple steps of raising happiness (book by christine carter, ph.d)
5. have one exquisite moment every day
we're on day eight and i can tell you i am two for five. i have not, i repeat, i have not spent any money at starbucks. on day two, i did text my husband to request a coffee on his way home from work, completely forgetting my resolution. luckily, he didn't "see" the text because he would have gone through the starbucks drive-thru. phew! i really don't have anything against the company. in fact, i once had a wild love affair with starbucks...unfortunately, it ended badly. either way, i still spend way.too.much.money. at that place and i would like for it to stop (sorry, friends). i am fortunate enough to live a few blocks away from a few other coffee houses and i'd rather help those places stay in business. actually, i intend to purchase myself a nice espresso machine so i can whip up my own tasty beverage any time i desire and save oodles of money altogether. next year, this resolution might be: only drink coffee at home.
i have also been devoted to practicing loving-kindness daily. in fact, i tried it with my son once and he is now addicted so we practice it every night before bed. tonight, we included my youngest. she might not get the concept but she is repeating the phrases which i am hoping will seep into her soul at some point. if you haven't tried this, i highly recommend it. once you practice loving-kindness, you'll feel so much better, much happier, less stressed and less uptight. i have been doing this for a while but i was interested to learn an approach for kids (thanks to christine carter, author of raising happiness).
i have to sit up to practice loving-kindess or i'll fall asleep. i have the kids do it in bed, hoping that this will relax them enough to fall asleep without battle. anyway, i have them close their eyes and visualize themselves. then we repeat a few phrases, taken directly from the book, like: may i be well. may i be happy. may i be filled with ease. then i have them visualize someone they are thankful for, someone they love, someone they feel neutral about (neither like nor dislike), someone they don't like and then everyone. we repeat the chant (changing i to you) for each person. at the end we say, may all beings everywhere be happy. my son has the hardest time visualizing someone he doesn't like so i usually just let him visualize anyone of his own choosing. tonight i changed the chant and he reminded me what we have been saying. at first i didn't think this really made much of a difference to him, but obviously it has. i am so glad i included the children in this resolution.
i have been on vacation for a couple of weeks and my brain tends to shut off during this time. i don't follow a schedule and i don't follow too many guidelines. because of this, i can't tell you if i have had an exquisite moment every day. tonight it would be practicing loving-kindness with the kids. i will start keeping track tomorrow when it's back to the daily grind.
the one resolution i struggle with the most is following the ten simple steps to raising happiness. specifically, i am trying to avoid put-downs ("you're acting like a brat") and i am trying to avoid controlling language ("pick up your toys NOW!"). here's the problem, it's hard to use other tactics when my soon-to-be-four-year-old throws huge tantrums and yells things like, "LEAVEMEALONE!" when i'm trying to enforce bedtime. or, when she doesn't feel like picking up her toys after i have requested her to several times, using several different methods. i finally succumb to the, "do you want me to pick up your toys? because I will. and do you know what happens when I pick up your toys? that's right, i give them to other kids who will appreciate them" and, i do. in fact her brother looked at her said, "you don't want mom to pick up your toys." do you know what she did? she looked over at all her toys, shrugged, and said,"they're old anyway." so i bagged up all the toys and they are sitting in the back of my car waiting to be donated. and, i am going to let her do the honor. wrong approach, i know. you don't even have to tell me but, in the heat of the moment, it seemed right. just when i was feeling thankful i wouldn't be going through menopause during the teen years, it appears the teen years have come early. i better get back to practicing loving-kindess...
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