i have started the year with just a few resolutions, in addition to my one little word:
1. do not spend any of my own money at starbucks (gifts are okay)
2. dress fancy one time this year
3. practice loving kindness every day (through meditation)
4. follow the ten simple steps of raising happiness (book by christine carter, ph.d)
5. have one exquisite moment every day
we're on day eight and i can tell you i am two for five. i have not, i repeat, i have not spent any money at starbucks. on day two, i did text my husband to request a coffee on his way home from work, completely forgetting my resolution. luckily, he didn't "see" the text because he would have gone through the starbucks drive-thru. phew! i really don't have anything against the company. in fact, i once had a wild love affair with starbucks...unfortunately, it ended badly. either way, i still spend way.too.much.money. at that place and i would like for it to stop (sorry, friends). i am fortunate enough to live a few blocks away from a few other coffee houses and i'd rather help those places stay in business. actually, i intend to purchase myself a nice espresso machine so i can whip up my own tasty beverage any time i desire and save oodles of money altogether. next year, this resolution might be: only drink coffee at home.
i have also been devoted to practicing loving-kindness daily. in fact, i tried it with my son once and he is now addicted so we practice it every night before bed. tonight, we included my youngest. she might not get the concept but she is repeating the phrases which i am hoping will seep into her soul at some point. if you haven't tried this, i highly recommend it. once you practice loving-kindness, you'll feel so much better, much happier, less stressed and less uptight. i have been doing this for a while but i was interested to learn an approach for kids (thanks to christine carter, author of raising happiness).
i have to sit up to practice loving-kindess or i'll fall asleep. i have the kids do it in bed, hoping that this will relax them enough to fall asleep without battle. anyway, i have them close their eyes and visualize themselves. then we repeat a few phrases, taken directly from the book, like: may i be well. may i be happy. may i be filled with ease. then i have them visualize someone they are thankful for, someone they love, someone they feel neutral about (neither like nor dislike), someone they don't like and then everyone. we repeat the chant (changing i to you) for each person. at the end we say, may all beings everywhere be happy. my son has the hardest time visualizing someone he doesn't like so i usually just let him visualize anyone of his own choosing. tonight i changed the chant and he reminded me what we have been saying. at first i didn't think this really made much of a difference to him, but obviously it has. i am so glad i included the children in this resolution.
i have been on vacation for a couple of weeks and my brain tends to shut off during this time. i don't follow a schedule and i don't follow too many guidelines. because of this, i can't tell you if i have had an exquisite moment every day. tonight it would be practicing loving-kindness with the kids. i will start keeping track tomorrow when it's back to the daily grind.
the one resolution i struggle with the most is following the ten simple steps to raising happiness. specifically, i am trying to avoid put-downs ("you're acting like a brat") and i am trying to avoid controlling language ("pick up your toys NOW!"). here's the problem, it's hard to use other tactics when my soon-to-be-four-year-old throws huge tantrums and yells things like, "LEAVEMEALONE!" when i'm trying to enforce bedtime. or, when she doesn't feel like picking up her toys after i have requested her to several times, using several different methods. i finally succumb to the, "do you want me to pick up your toys? because I will. and do you know what happens when I pick up your toys? that's right, i give them to other kids who will appreciate them" and, i do. in fact her brother looked at her said, "you don't want mom to pick up your toys." do you know what she did? she looked over at all her toys, shrugged, and said,"they're old anyway." so i bagged up all the toys and they are sitting in the back of my car waiting to be donated. and, i am going to let her do the honor. wrong approach, i know. you don't even have to tell me but, in the heat of the moment, it seemed right. just when i was feeling thankful i wouldn't be going through menopause during the teen years, it appears the teen years have come early. i better get back to practicing loving-kindess...
I say RIGHT APPROACH. It's hard when you read a book that speaks to you because you want to practice it all in its purest form, but I can tell you from being a teacher and now a parent, that nothing in its pure form works perfectly. It's best to take bits and pieces from here and there that work for you and put them together as you feel necessary, but keep your core beliefs central to it all. I have done exactly that, bagged up the toys and given them away. In fact, it took us more than one bagging of toys to get the hint, but it worked. All kids are different and any kid on any given day is different from before, so don't be hard on yourself. I think you need one more resolution: Be gentle with yourself. :)
ReplyDeleteI realized it might have been the right approach when another mom looked at me and said, "you really do that?" Most of us get caught in the empty threat of doing it, but I have learned to actually do it. It's much better than an empty threat. I like hearing that nothing in it's pure form works. Thanks! Made my night...after the kids falling asleep by 8.
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