bliss

bedtime has always been a struggle around here. a struggle for me, not necessarily my children. after a long, busy day, i am usually exhausted by bedtime and so it becomes a struggle for me to put the kids to bed. i become really selfish and cranky because i just want the kids to go to bed at the snap of my finger so i can get on with my "me time." this doesn't happen, of course, so i sometimes use an ugly tone or say ugly things that surprise my husband. he's always telling me that i spend more time being cranky than i would spend if i just got up and helped the kids to bed. easy for him to say since the kids don't generally want him to help with bed (probably because he has never tangled himself up with the whole bedtime routine...smart man).

anyway, for the most part, my daughter is the easiest to put to bed. she has always preferred to sleep in her own bed, by herself. i put her down and she falls asleep on her own. sometimes she might have a crying fit but it's not a daily thing. my son is the one i have most difficulty with. he's my lover-boy, he likes to snuggle and have his back scratched while he falls asleep. i usually end up crawling in bed next to him until he falls asleep and then i make my great escape. now that he's six and a big boy this all feels silly and i want my independence back. i have tried walking away but then he cries and cries and it breaks my heart. this has become a little more stressful for me lately because that thirty minutes makes a huge difference in my day and in my slumber.

well, i recently read a book called raising your spirited child by mary sheedy kurcinka and it has changed my life. not only did i discover that my daughter is not spirited (she's spunky) but i discovered that we all have some of the temperaments discussed in the book. like i found out that my son and i are clearly introverts and that spending time with other people exerts all of our energy. we need time alone to process our day and to calm down. in her book, mary recommends working toward a "yes". kids hear "no" all day long and, as you can imagine, after hearing "no" after "no" you shut down and you stop caring. she also discusses bed time and how it's different for everyone depending on their temperament. she shares my husbands thought,"is it worth spending five extra minutes on something if it will give you several extra hours of bliss?" it has taken me a long time to realize the answer but now that i have found it, i am in a state of nirvana.

i used to stagger bedtime. my daughter went to bed at seven-thirty and my son went to bed at eight. this was mostly due to the fact that they share a bedroom. they now go to bed at the same time. pj's and teeth brushing starts at seven, then thirty minutes of reading and lights out no later than seven forty-five. they are both in their own beds and i am on the rug in the middle of the room. that rug has become my sanctuary. i use my head lamp to read and/or do yoga and meditation. it works out for everyone. my kids are comforted by my presence and i have thirty minutes of total relaxation. by the time i'm done, i am ready for bed. before, i used to struggle to find the time to relax and meditate. when my bedtime routine ended around nine, i still needed "me time" so i would end up staying up until eleven or twelve and then i would be so tired and so cranky at wake-up time. bedtime is now a joyful time and i am so thankful...and so much happier.