free-range

• walk 1.5 miles home from school in 5th grade
• come home from school to an empty house
• play barbies in the empty lot next door while wearing wonder woman underoos
• fly internationally...alone...to a THIRD WORLD country...to a city now considered one of the world's deadliest? most dangerous? bloodiest? i can't remember which but it's run by drug cartels so it's definitely not at the top of the list of places to visit. 
• do my own laundry
• walk to the market or to the fro-yo store, alone
• wander around the neighborhood until dark
• cook my own meals
• explore amusement parks and the mall without adult supervision
• visit my father in a foreign prison
• visit neighbors without permission
• swim at the local pool 

these are things my mother let me do between the ages of 5 and 10. does that make her a bad mother? if you ask me, no. i think it actually made her a good mother. i learned at a young age that i could take care of myself. did creepy men pull over to the side of the road to make lewd comments to me? yup, they did. creepy men have always been around. the difference is, i figured out how to make them go away. did my mom teach me? probably not. i probably figured it out the first time it happened. who knows? i do know that back in fifth grade when i walked home from school i had confidence, i had swagger, i could kick butt. if you knew me back then, you'd laugh and say, "yeah right." but it's true. i wasn't a tough kid but i felt tough on my long walk home because i was empowered. my mom let me walk home that far because i didn't want to change schools in the middle of the year. she may not have wanted to let me do it but she did. she knew i could do it. she believed in me and that belief spoke louder than any words.

 with that being said,  i would not let my children do the things i was allowed to do. does that me a good mom? probably not. in fact, i'd say it makes me a freaky, paranoid mom. and all i'm doing is rubbing that paranoia on my kids. so if my kids were walking home alone and a creepy person pulled over to them, i'm not sure they would know what to do. that's scary. that's scarier than the creepy person, i think.

so now i'm on a mission to give my kids a kid-friendly childhood. one that involves being in the great outdoors, exploring and learning about life with or without me standing next to them to pick them up when they fall.  i recently stumbled upon this book, free-range kids  by lenore skenazy, and it's a breath of fresh air. 

i definitely think every parent should read this and then practice being free-range. it's not as scary as it seems. i mean, i did hold my breath the entire time but, i finally let my son cross the street without holding my hand. yup, baby step, but it felt great. so now, i no longer escort him to his classroom. instead, i drop him off in line and leave. pretty soon he will join the running club before school so he'll be on his own to get himself in line and to class.  just yesterday when he realized he forgot his lunchbox, i said he could  run back to get it. he said, "really?!?," with a smile and then ran off. he only ran two cars ahead of mine before he came back to ask me to go with him. here's the thing, i let him go which showed i believed in his capability and i allowed him to make the decision to ask for company. i can't wait to try out more free-range parenting.