little sunbeam

just when you think your life is a big mess and you're quietly sobbing in the kitchen while preparing dinner, you feel these little arms wrap around you and a sweet, sweet voice say, "i'm sorry you didn't get that job, mom." and then you remember that your kids are like little sunbeams who can brighten your day in seconds. and you know, you really know, that everything is going to be all right.

i didn't get that job, the job i didn't tell you about because i am incredibly superstitious. i also didn't get the one i interviewed for. in fact, i'm pretty sure my career is over. at thirty-five. i had a bit of meltdown this week and my LaRue (my sweet son) made it all better. i'm not even sure how he knew i was having a meltdown. i don't recall talking about not getting that job or about any other issue i was having. somehow he knew and he knew i needed a hug. my little sunbeam.

my husband also deserves a little credit this week. he listened ever-so-patiently while i cried out all these insane thoughts i have been holding in...thoughts you really wouldn't want anyone to hear for fear they'd label you c r a z y. i wasn't planning on telling him but it all just came pouring out so fast there wasn't any way to stop myself. i had to gulp for air when i was done. he listened, held me and did his best to make it all better. and, i am better. and, he doesn't think i'm crazy (although he does think i should probably see my therapist).

they say you can't choose your family but i am thankful most of us can choose our spouse. and we can choose, one way or another, to have kids. even though we've had plenty of downs, i am certain i chose right. i wouldn't change a thing, not one thing. this must be love.